I’m certain this post isn’t for you, but, if you have
made up your mind to be careless with your career as an aspiring author, then
this post was written for you.
No one wants to be associated with the term failure, the same way no one plans to deliberately fail at something. Failure is one of the greatest fears of every aspiring author, but in truth, it will happen because of the little inconsistencies and mistakes you made with your creative piece.
If we’re honest, what makes something impossible is not our fear. Rather, it is our indifference.―
Every creator – you and me inclusive – strives for
success, and every young, aspiring, and budding author like you, dreams to
become a successfully published author one day. To achieve that status of
success, you’ll have to first set up yourself to achieve those accolades and write your first book of course.
This means you’ll need to sacrifice a lot to get where
you have envisioned for yourself. However, there is a thin line between success
and failure, and you could fall prey to these subtle – not so subtle – factors
that will jeopardize your strive for success as a first-time published author.
You may not believe me, but it is easier to fail at
being a published author than you think because writing a book isn’t about its
quantity, how dedicated you were to write your story, or how long it took to
finish it; it is about all the little parts that make your story exceptional
even as a beginner.
So, if you wish to succeed as a published author, this
post is not for you, but if you are hellbent on committing career suicide, I
have about 15 simple tips to get you right on track quickly.
How to Fail – Tip #1
Don’t concern yourself with writing a compelling and relatable story. Just chug out as many words as possible, slap in a few unrealistic twists, and spin your tale however you wish because that is all that’s needed in a story.
How to Fail – Tip #2
Do
not – I repeat – Do not concern yourself to check for typographical errors,
plot holes, timeline mix-ups, and whatnot. Don’t do that. Instead, I beg you to
allow it to jump out of the pages and scare your readers to hell.
How to Fail – Tip #3
Don’t
concern yourself with reworking/re-examining your first draft after you are
done. I bet it is a total waste of creative energy that could be spent
elsewhere, whereas, you are confident that your readers have the psychic
abilities to sift through all that mess.
How to Fail – Tip #4
Do not concern yourself with making your book covers
look professionally made and genre-based. It is dangerous territory to even
think about it. I strongly advise you to slip on your designing hat – get one
if you don’t have one yet – and design away at your will. That will surely do
the trick for you.
How to Fail – Tip #5
Writing an engaging blurb is tiring and
inconsequential since it just sits pretty at the back of your book cover. So,
do not concern yourself with such strenuous exercise because your readers will
magically decipher what your story is about from your poorly designed cover and
still rush in headfirst to get your book.
Kudos to you. Your plan to fail is already in motion.
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How to Fail – Tip #6
Having an online presence is tedious, demanding, and very
stressful, so, do not concern yourself with making an appearance. Everyone should know – without being told – that you are an author and should
be accorded recognition as such.
How to Fail – Tip #7
Formatting your book interior is for fools who have
enough time to waste on futile endeavors. Why bother formatting when you can
slam your words together on a page and hit the big black publish button and be
well on your way?
So, avoid it at all costs since your readers will be
able to navigate and differentiate between chapters on their own.
How to Fail – Tip #8
Who says creating an author’s website is necessary? To
solidify your depths of failure, don’t concern yourself with having a platform
to call your own. Anyone seeking to know more about you should ask around or
pick up the phone.
How to Fail – Tip #9
Don’t concern yourself with marketing and publicity for your book even before you draft it. All the work is done after writing and publishing your book because the rest is up to the world to decide and your lucky charm to sustain.
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How to Fail – Tip #10
Don’t concern yourself with budgeting for your book publishing project. Everything you need to make your book successful will fall like manna from heaven for your sake. Nicely thought, author.
How to Fail – Bonus Tip: Make unrealistic expectations about your published book and give up when you realize those expectations aren't obtainable in reality.
How to Fail – Tip #11
Do not concern yourself with asking for feedback and
reviews from your audience. Assume they already know what to do – like rating
your book, leaving reviews, or repost/resharing. Yes, assumption works just
fine too.
How to Fail – Tip #12
Don’t concern yourself with publishing across many
online platforms, rather keep all your eggs in one basket by publishing only
your sites for private eyes only. This is exactly how your book will sell out
on tons and make you successful and a bestseller.
How to Fail – Tip #13
Publishing only e-book copies and thinking your work
is done. Do not bother about creating and publishing your story in other
formats like – paperbacks, hardback, and audiobooks (If you can afford them) – for
diverse readers and reading communities.
Rather, expect readers to change their taste in
reading materials for your sake. That is an awesome idea, author.
How to Fail – Tip #14
Seal up your creative spring after publishing your
first book. Do not be bothered with writing/drafting other stories to add to
your portfolio as an author, because that one book will do the trick for you.
If it worked for others, it should work for you too.
Keep flogging that horse. It’s worth it.
How to fail – Tip #15
Showing up on your social pages is a total waste of
precious time that should be diverted elsewhere. Do not be bothered to share
your reviews, story snippets, teasers, short excerpts, shares, and whatnot to
entice your audience. Go AWOL on your audience and allow your potential audience to do
the background checks themselves.
That about seals the lid on your efforts to
effortlessly fail as a first-time published author which is just perfect.
Endnotes:
Writing and publishing your first book isn’t all there
is to becoming a successful first-time author. There is a whole lot more
involved from the minute you begin to nurse the idea of your story, writing
your story, and publishing it.
I shot myself on the foot with half the tips
listed but eventually retraced my steps as I learned more and gained insights
into the world of writing and publishing.
In hindsight, this post was written to guide you away
from self-destruction and career suicide traps you may be setting for yourself because
you didn’t know better.
But, now that you know better, and still wish to go
ahead with these tips, by all means, be my most esteemed guest.